Lord how do you see me?
I find it very powerful that we can ask the Lord to speak to us. He has promised that His sheep can hear His voice and He makes it clear this is vital for us all. Jesus said to the devil when in the wilderness, ‘man shall not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’ (Matt 4:4) Jesus was quoting from Deuteronomy 8:3, showing that it had always been God’s desire that men and women would hear His voice and His words would be the power that enabled them to live and flourish.
I am finding there’s a real difference between living and existing. We can all exist, getting by each day, maybe feeling flat, dull or paralysed by our circumstances or hurtful memories but Jesus was talking about a quality of life that would be full in every way. He was saying that the word of God would set us free to live that life with joy and adventure. This is God’s desire for us and through Jesus dying on the cross He made a way for us all to live in that fullness. Jesus Himself was able to bypass His hunger after not eating for 40 days because He was consciously feeding on God’s word and taking in His Father’s love and truth about His identity as God’s beloved Son.
How can we change from existing to living? Is it just a nice idea or can it ever become a reality for me?
The other day I was worshipping in the bath (it’s the best place for me because no one else can hear my voice!) I was singing a song about His forgiveness and found myself asking the Lord how He saw my heart? (Being in conversation with the Lord is an adventure as He never speaks predictably but always truthfully and in love.) To my shock I sensed Him showing me that my heart was like a weedy garden and that the weeds were strangling the growth of the true plants and flowers. When I asked Him why there were so many weeds, He showed me that because I’d never dealt fully with some deep insecurities and the belief that I was inferior, those very feelings had turned to weeds of resentment and self-pity. These weeds in turn were now choking the beautiful trees and flowers that God had planted in the garden of my heart, imprisoning and stopping me from stepping into all that He had for me. I felt so sad and asked Him to show me what that resentment looked like and to my shame, I suddenly saw that when I heard of others doing well, maybe being used by God in dynamic ways or being acclaimed for their writing or other gifts, I would be outwardly glad but beyond my consciousness, I would be listening to a little voice saying ‘They will always get the acclaim, you never will.’ This was the voice of resentment.
How could I have let that happen when my deepest desire was to be an encouragement to others and grow more like Jesus? I’ve always felt genuinely delighted for them when sharing their good news, but Satan is very insidious and knows how to creep into the unhealed areas of our hearts and if we don’t see and catch those initial barbs, they, like weeds, start to wind themselves around our inner beings, stealing our joy, poisoning our responses to others and bombarding us with negative thoughts.
What can we do when God shows us things like this? I am finding the wonderful thing about our Heavenly Father is that He never speaks to condemn us, but always for our healing and growth. He loves us with an everlasting love and will never give up on us. As I asked Him to forgive me and pull out those roots of insecurity and inferiority and remove those weeds of resentment and self-pity, I began to feel a deep welling up of joy in my heart. On an impulse I asked Him again how He saw me. I wondered if he’d show me another weed but instead, I saw a picture of a beautiful sapphire held in His hand. It was such a deep blue and glowing with light. It made me think of the verse in Isaiah 63:3 When God says ‘You will be a royal diadem in the hand of your God.’
How wonderful and awesome that God desires so much to build us up in the truth of who we are and how He sees us. I find His love and mercy astonishing and life giving. Yes, He’d revealed something wrong in my spirit, but He did it because it was marring the real me and stopping me from moving forward. He only ever speaks in loving kindness to heal, upbuild and release us into the fullness of the life He destined us for.
I want that and am sure you do too.
Why not sit quietly with Him today and ask Him: Lord how do you see me? Be ready to talk with Him about any insights that come. Have a journal to hand and your Bible. He wants to fill you with joy in His presence.
Tracy Williamson
